You are stabbing my heart continuously with your jagged words and sharp actions. Deep cuts dripping thick blood profusely down my tear-wet skin. A pool of red slowly forming at my feet, I gasp in tormented agony at the depravity of the pain you choose to inflict. Bending slightly, I see my face in the voluminous mass. Dark eyes staring empty into the distant trail of loneliness, sadness, heartbreak, and rejection. There is nothing else left for me to see.
The cold stares and silent whispers penetrate my skin like the tingling sensation of frostbite. I cannot grasp the turmoil rising up within me as a result of the events I see without. A false word here, a deceitful play there leaves them thinking they can tear me down bit…by…bit. Perpetual stabbing has left my back weary and worn. Barely able to go on, I WANT TO GIVE UP!
My heart has lost its fire, long quenched by the floods of betrayal. Struggling to beat through the pain of disappointment I continue on. The empty feeling that has taken over my body as if no one cares is ALL I feel. BUT, although battered, I am not destroyed. The blaming angry eyes haunt my soul, yet I am not moved. I am hurt. Yes, painfully so by those cold eyes. But for me to go down, you’re gonna have to take me out.
What is strong and moving about this poem is how deeply hurt the speaker is yet how defiant the speaker is at the same time. The metaphor of words being these abusive weapons and the pool of blood at the feet are vivid images. "Perpetual stabbing has left my back weary and worn" that's vivid I can see it and I can feel it. You are writing the emotions the speaker feels on the reader and I love that. Good Job!
ReplyDeletewoow. i love the passion i feel as i read this poem. it's so alive and in your face, yet kind and respectful. it shows no fear of vulnerability but still the desire and demand to be respected and to be to treated with loyalty. i say that because of the words "betrayal" and "disappointment" used in the 3rd verse. it takes trust to let people in our lives and when we do, they may betray or disappoint us. "yet I am not moved. I am hurt. Yes, painfully so by those cold eyes. But for me to go down, you’re gonna have to take me out", shows a strong resolve to not give up. i love it!
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